i'm sure it's been said in the finer print

I'm so terribly cranky + anxious right now. Crankxious?

So, I was talking to my dad before I left work and he suggested I ask my brother if he would want to go to the show with me. And I forgot that last time I asked him to do something similar, he totally made up some excuse not to, and so I went ahead and called him. He said he had no plans tonight, but was all, "Huh. I don't know. I'll think about it." He texted me 30 minutes later to say that he was sorry, but he was just too beat to go out. YEAH RIGHT. As if he won't be up until 3 in the morning playing video games. It was just a year or so ago that JD would be down with going anywhere I was going. And it's not as if he's busy. He does not have a steady base of good friends. It's the opposite really. Few and fair-weather. Well, it's the last time I ask. I'm tired of being blown off.

And then there were botched plans to meet my mom at the mall for a little bit. Nasty traffic was to blame; there just wasn't time.

On top of that, I'm feeling bothered that I'm missing out on the gym tonight. Again, not enough time. On account of chores. My roommate's new/old man (it's a long story) is coming to visit tonight and she has been doing hardcore cleaning around the house. When I got home yesterday, she'd put everything of mine from the first floor AGAINST the door of my room. In a neat little pile. So I KNEW she wanted me to clean. Further proof is the evidence of tiny tidyings going on at the edge of my spaces. It's very hinty. Which I don't like. I know she means well, and just feels bad for making me adhere to her to-do list, but I really would have liked if she'd said, earlier in the week, "Harrison is going to come Friday, and I was wondering if you'd neaten up your things and your spaces by Friday."

And I'm supposed to be ready for the yardsale tomorrow and I'm not and I'm gonna be home late and it starts early and I want to go to Nia first and also it's probably gonna rain and and and and and.

I haven't felt this way in a while, but my mind is skipping around all the things bugging me, just rubbing over them again and again, like worry stones. Maybe if I said each thing out loud and very clearly put each issue to bed for myself. "I'm feeling _______ about _______, but it's clear that all I can do about it is _______. That will have to suffice." And then file them away where they can't get me all frazzled. Perhaps I will do that on the way to the show. Which I am supposed to be leaving for this very moment. Oops.